Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
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I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
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Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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