OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
