this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
