The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
