jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
