those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Operation Purity has been aborted
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
