Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
