do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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