I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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