So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
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