I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
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this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
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Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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