My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
should my penis look like a turkey
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
