you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
