New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
