Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
