I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize