We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
