my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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