for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
