i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
