be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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