Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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