...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
