If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
