im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
