Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
