I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
