Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
