Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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