I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
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She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
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Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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