I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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