My first STD was from a foam party
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
