Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
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Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
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We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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