He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
FUCK WHALES
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
