like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
