Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
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Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
not ubering you a puppy
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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