I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
