We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
