Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
