I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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