i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
