I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize
