I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
