Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
