chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize