I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
