I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
