There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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