actually, I'm a sock model
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
