So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
When did angry sex become our thing?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
