i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass