he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?