I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
