the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she peed on how many people?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
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My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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