I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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