i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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