I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
