I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
organizing the empties. That sober.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
