strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
