rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
