everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
